Ms. Pennell's English Classes' Guide to being a Player

We started reading "Romeo and Juliet" today, and as a warm up activity we read 17th century pick-up lines from "The Mysteries of Love and Eloquence," published in 1568. (A tip o' the chalk to Steve Williams of Utah for uploading this idea on the Folger Shakespeare Library).

The students read the pick-up lines with a partner, and then had to choose 3 to rewrite in contemporary English. It was great fun to see their reactions, some of them loved it, some were embarrassed, but no one was having more fun than me.

There were many lines to choose from, but some of them proved more popular than others. Here are some of my favorites, first with the original version, then how the kids changed them.

I suggested that maybe we could take a field trip and they could try them out, and they looked at me in horror. Oh, freshmen, so entertaining.

1. From “sweet and delicious as the feast of love” to “you are sweet and delicious *rawr*” (yes, they really wrote rawr and put stars around it)

2. From “You have a face where good seems to dwell” to “you are so purrdy” and “your face is beautiful and truly unique” (again, yes they wrote 'purrdy.' I'm also not sure I'd want anyone calling my face "unique.")

3. From “you, like a comet attract all eyes” to “Like a star you shine so bright you guide the way to my heart.” When the class groaned in disbelief at this one, she said "What? It's a pick-up line, you can say whatever you want and they'll just follow you." Clearly self-esteem is not an issue for her. This student also refers to herself as America's Next Top Model.

4. This was one of the most popular- “you are a flame of beauty.” It had many new versions: “you are so sexy,” “you’re hot,” “you are very beautiful and sexy,” “you are the hottest I had ever seen” and my favorite, “you are the sexiest girl I’ve seen all day.” I don't think he got why I laughed at the "all day" part.

5. This one- “you have the power to sway me as you please” could have gone many directions that would have been uncomfortable for all of us. Two versions were the PG-rated “your beauty makes me give my all to you and for you” and the slightly more implied-risque “you can do anything you want.”

6. From “you are the star I reach at” to “you are my everything”

7. From “your wit hath too much edge” to “your cleverness turns me on”

8. From “your words like musick please me” to “your words are as heavenly as an angels song” (can you tell that a girl wrote this one?)

9. This could have gone to a very bad place- thank goodness they kept it clean. From “I’m proud to please you” to “I like this relationship”

10. And saving the best for last- Dwayne came through with this one, which he read in a loud, dramatic voice to everyone- From “let me but touch the white pillows of your naked breasts” to “your breasts are white pillows I wish to sleep upon.”

I laughed so hard I literally doubled over and needed a moment to collect myself, it was amazing. Not shockingly, Dwayne was having a great time with this assignment. He claimed most of them he wouldn't change, but would leave as-written. I hope I hear some of these in the hallway this week.